Thinking will not overcome fear but action will. – W. Clement
It was year 2005, I left my home in search of a job and better future, nothing seemed more FEARFUL that time. FEAR of unknown and survival was rushing through my body and I was completely losing control.
I bumped into same guy three time while travelling that day, nervousness was taking control of my body. It was happening because I was in the middle of thoughts of making good or bad decision that day. I am so glad that I went with my decision and it worked much better than I expected.
My head was coming up with 100’s of possible things which can go wrong while making that life changing decision. It is always hard to leave our comfort zone. We are fearless when we are in our safe place and leaving that safe place is Fearful.
My friend gave me lot of confidence that day which helped me OVERCOME my FEAR.
We all have our fears and sometimes it’s small decisions which make big difference over time. Every fear needs little antidote of confidence booster and those small adjustment takes you long way.
Let’s look how Fear impacts our lives and how we can overcome them.
First step is to look at the situation and try to understand your feelings and what you are going through. Is it really some limitations or just your fear? It’s important to know your fear, to be able to OVERCOME it.
FEAR OF MAKING DECISION
You are taking decision every minute, small decisions like what you are going to eat for Breakfast or Dinner. I personally hesitate when someone ask me to pick a place to eat, I fear that other person may not like that food or the restaurant.
Sometimes, you keep on postponing certain decisions because there is always certain fear behind it. Making big decision put you on certain path and we fear that path.
It’s that investment which you wanted to start 10 years back, it’s that project which you wanted to start for long time and it never happened.
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” – Mark Twain
FEAR OF MOVING TO NEW PLACES
Sometimes, you need to make a decision to move to another city for work, study or relationships. The decision of moving is always difficult one because it is full of challenges and it changes your entire schedule. Change is mostly hard to accept. You fear that you will lose your friends or your favorite restaurants or you may not have as happy life at new place.
I needed to move to Montreal which is very French speaking city, (being only English Speaker) from Toronto for an amazing job. It was hard decision to make but it was right decision. New place often leads you to new opportunities, you have more chances to learn new things, try new food and work with people from different cultures.
New Places bring progress, take this as an opportunity to try new things. – Ravi Atwal
FEAR OF TRYING NEW THINGS
It is in our nature that we become comfortable with our current situation. Majority of people are just fine with being poor, not having great career because they are just comfortable where they are. It takes lot of WILL POWER to make decision to try new things.
PEOPLE have no goals and they have no interest in trying out new things. It’s not just taking vacation to new place, it’s all the other things like stuck at same job for years, stuck with same routine for as long as you remember, eating same kind of food.
So, what’s really behind all this? Discomfort or Fear? Is it Fear of new Job, new people, new routine?
You need to ask these questions to yourself. The key is to ask the correct question so that you can find the correct answer to be able to come out of that problematic situation.
We can’t make progress unless we identify exactly what we are dealing with. – Ravi Atwal
FEAR OF REAL WORLD
We should thank our parents; they took care of us for around 20 years without much fuss. But at some point of life everybody has to take their own responsibilities and face the real world.
My son told me another day that being kids is boring and they can’t do anything fun like me, mainly he means going to stores and buy whatever he wants to buy. But he doesn’t realize that being an adult is no fun. You are obliged to be responsible, work, earn money and you can’t just spend it wherever you want without thinking.
Some people really enjoy getting out to real world, but some people have hard time adjusting. They fear to socialize, they fear to start their own life and they don’t want to work hard.
Specially, it takes some time to adjust after you finish your studies, there is peer pressure to find good job. You see people sharing news about them finding an amazing job and back in your head you feel bad that you are still looking for one, but what you need to remind yourself is that taking extra few months is not the end of the world. You are still very young and you have a big life ahead, you will be working and changing many jobs in future, it’s long journey.
Someone can have that amazing job or life right now. But It’s matter of time, if you can work hard and stay focused on your goals, you can catch up in short time .
You need to focus on what you can learn instead of where to work. – Ravi Atwal
FEAR OF INTERVIEW
I came from small place and talking in public or in front big gathering was difficult for me. I guess it’s normal to be bit scared. It took me some time to adjust my mindset and be confident.
Best thing to kill fear is to go out and take as many challenges without thinking too much. – Ravi Atwal
I believe based on my experience, it doesn’t matter what you know, it can all depend on who you are meeting for an interview. It depends on what Interviewer want to hear, It’s the connection you make with the interviewer.
Few wrong answers won’t matter if you make right connection with interviewer. Next time try to focus on the person in front of you instead of your answers.
FEAR OF LACK OF KNOWLEDGE
Do you feel that you are sometimes left out of the conversations?
Do you think how come people know so much about everything and you don’t?
Do you feel that you can’t remember stuff like others?
“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.” ― Albert Einstein
This is all normal, we are not supposed to remember everything. Our brain always clears out clutter which we don’t need anymore. I feel this all the time and by just reading few news or something interesting gives you enough edge to keep up with conversations.
FEAR OF CHANGE
Human being, we don’t like change at all, we resist change. You get used to your habits no matter they are good or bad, it takes effort to start new good habits and break old bad habits.
You become addicted with your way of doing things, and you fear of trying to do it differently. Sometimes, it can be bad relationships, we fear that how quitting a bad relationship may impact your life and that uncertainty keep us away from good stuff.
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
FEAR OF REJECTION
Did you ever fear to ask somebody out on a date? This is way more common than we think.
Did you fear to apply for your dream job? It is just this little fear of rejection which is enough to postpone your plan to get that amazing job that you always wanted.
Fear of rejection is sometimes one of the main reasons we don’t go after our goals and dreams. – Ravi Atwal
If you will not try, you won’t be able to date that person or have your dream job anyway, then why don’t you just give it a shot, there is nothing to lose. Being persistent and keep trying is the only way to succeed.
FEAR OF COMPETITION
Who doesn’t fear the competition? We are built to protect our self.
I grew up in India, there are so many people that you got to compete for necessities. There is competition on every turn, that’s why Indian parents want their kids to concentrate on their studies instead of sports and other activities. Parents are doing more harm to their kids by not letting them compete in sports and other creative activities. Sports and social activities build confidence and people with multiple skills tend to do good in their career.
Fear of competition is always going to be there but this one is easy to handle; better preparation helps you build confidence and that’s all that you need to overcome this fear. Sometimes, our mind develop fear out of nothing, and overthinking feeds that. Build your confidence and stop overthinking to overcome this fear.
Overcoming what frightens you the most strengthens you the most. – Matshona Dhliwayo
FEAR OF ASKING QUESTIONS\EMBARRASSMENT
“He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever”. – Chinese Proverb
Lack of Information and Knowledge reduces your confidence and you scare to ask questions. You worry to embarrass yourself by asking stupid question But There is no such thing as stupid question.
It’s important to learn instead of holding back. – Ravi Atwal
What is the point of attending class or seminar if you are not learning and you are not asking those questions which can improve your knowledge. Sometime, it’s better to look stupid for a moment to learn. All the other people are like you, they are there to learn, no one came to judge you.
FEAR OF MONEY
Do you really think people are afraid of MONEY?
MONEY is known to be evil and having lot of money believed to corrupt your mind. There are people who never try to build wealth and never try to make that extra money because of these old believes.
It’s an old misunderstanding that you need to do something wrong to be able to become wealthy. It’s not valid anymore, we can build wealth over time without doing anything wrong. We don’t need to fear money anymore, it’s can be used to do good. People who have build lot of wealth are starting charities and are planning to leave their wealth to do good and help others.
“Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.”— Henry David Thoreau
FEAR OF STARTING FAMILY
We all go through these big life changing moments, but sometimes it takes years or little push from friends and family to make that move.
We all have that fear of proposing our girlfriend to marry or fear of planing to have kids. Your actual fear is not what you think it is, It’s more like panic of unknown or terror of change in lifestyle.
Things won’t be same after having kids, but things never remain same anyway. We never hang in same state, evolution is part of life and as everybody around us is changing we will have no choice but to move along.
We should focus our energy not to fight the old but to build new life.
“Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life.” –Lisa Weed
FEAR OF RESPONSIBILITY
“Ninety-nine percent of all failures come from the people who have a habit of making excuses” – George Washingtong Carver
Our responsibilities are growing as we grow. There are so many things we do without even thinking about it, like driving or social distancing.
We are responsible for our work, families, mortgage payments, utilities payments, being good citizen, being good parent. There is no limit to this.
There may be people who don’t want to buy house because they will need to pay mortgage, take care of yard, pay taxes. It’s responsibility.
There may be people who never ask their girlfriends to marry them because there will be more responsibilities.
I try to think how many responsibilities the US President have when I am in some scared situation to bring myself out, I mean all the US Presidents before Trump. Our Leaders are running the whole country, not just small house. May be they are making decision every minute.
By just thinking like that, my responsibilities and fear start to look very small compared to them.
FEAR OF DEATH
Well! two things we can’t avoid, Death and Taxes.
My son is just six-year-old and few days back he asked me if we are going to die and then he said that he doesn’t want to die. He is little kid and he fears death; I couldn’t believe it.
Sometimes, it feels like we are doing so much work to build so much and what’s the meaning of all of that. What’s the meaning of life? Is it keep on working and just die someday?
I like the Buddha’s teaching about finding meaning of life which takes fear out of death. Idea of ENLIGHTENMENT and MEDITATION can change our point of view of life.
There is end of every living thing and giving meaning to our life is the most important thing we can do. – Ravi Atwal
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Yet again, very thoughtful, very insightful!
Thanks so much Steve for your feedback and Support.
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